Strar Chat
by jedidragonspike
Summary: A talk show in the Star Wars universe where nothing goes right
1. 1 Vader

SM- Hey everybody. Welcome to another episode of Star Chat, the only place where you'll hear all the important things about all the important people in the Star Wars universe (who writes this stuff?)! I'm your host Steven Man and today's guest hails all the way from Tatoonie, that Dark Lord of the Sith himself, Darth Vader! Hello Lord Vader and welcome.  
  
DV- Thank you.  
  
SM- So, uh, tell us a little about yourself.  
  
DV- Well I grew up on Tatoonie, a very hot planet, then trained to be a Jedi but decided to go to the Dark Side. I hunted and killed all the Jedi except for my old mentor, Obi-Wan, and Yoda.  
  
SM- I see, so what's up with the costume? Are you trying to make a fashion statement or what?  
  
DV- In one of my battles with Obi-Wan, I was thrown into a volcano. I have to wear this or I will die.  
  
SM- Well at least you'll always have the scariest costume on Halloween. So tell us about this so called "Force" that you have.  
  
DV- I find your lack of faith disturbing, but if you must know, The Force is what gives a Jedi, or Sith, his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together.  
  
SM- Riiiiiiiight, well there's no mystical energy field controlling my destiny.  
  
DV- Don't underestimate the power of the Dark Side.  
  
SM- Okaaay. So let's talk about the Emperor.  
  
DV- What about him?  
  
SM- Would you die for him?  
  
DV- WHAT?!? of course not , I KILLED him!!!  
  
SM- Oh...right, I forgot about that. Well let's take some question from the audience, shall we?  
  
Audience member (human)- Why did you turn to the Dark Side?   
  
DV- Well lets see, either stay good and try to understand Yoda's gibberish or take the quick and easy path and I got to kill the Jedi and strike fear into the inhabitants of billions of star systems. It was a hard choice but I think I made the right one.  
  
SM- Okay, next question, um... you, the Gungan.  
  
Gungan- Misa beena wonderan, whysa yousa so bombad?  
  
DV- What?  
  
Gugan- Misa sayen whysa yousa so bombad?  
  
DV- SPEAK ENGLISH!!!!   
  
(Force chokes Gungan to death)  
  
SM- Okaaaaaaaaaaay, uh could someone please clean that mess up?  
  
DV- I will.  
  
(Vader laughs evilly and goes into the audience, ignites his lightsaber, and dices the gungan into tiny bits)  
  
DV- Anyone for Gungan finger sandwiches?  
  
SM- Gross!!!! Uh we're outa time so till next time, this is Steven signing off.  
  
(Vader goes completely nuts and starts killing people in the audience, then goes after Steven)  
  
SM-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	2. 2 Luke

SM- Hello and welcome to another episode of Star Chat. Now that the writer is dead, courtesy of Darth Vader, I can say whatever I want. So lets bring out todays guest...Luke Skywalker!  
  
LS- Hi, Thanks for having me.  
  
SM- Wasn't my idea, trust me.  
  
LS-....oh....  
  
SM- So Luke, How did ya get so lucky?  
  
LS- Uh...I don't know what you mean.  
  
SM- Oh come on, I mean you blew up the Death Star with one shot!  
  
LS- Oh that, I used the Force.  
  
SM- Right, sure you did, you just keep telling yourself that.  
  
LS- No, really, I did.  
  
SM- Kid, your embarrassing yourself on galaxy-wide television, cut it out. Okay next question. You blew up the Death Star with one shot but you can't land an X-Wing on Dagobah. Can you explain this?  
  
LS- All the sensors were down, and there was a lot of mist and fog. What do you expect?  
  
SM- Surly a great Jedi like yourself can use the "Force" to land am teensy weensy starfighter.  
  
LS- But I wasn't that strong in the Force then, that's why Ben told me to...  
  
SM- Wait, Ben? Ben Kenobie?   
  
LS- Yes!  
  
SM- He died on the Death Star, didn't he?  
  
LS- Well...yes, but...  
  
SM- Oooooohhhhhhhh, so now you can see ghosts? Will someone please call this guy a shrink because he desperately needs one!.  
  
(Darth Vader comes onto the set at this point)  
  
SM- What are YOU doing here?  
  
DV- There is something I must tell Luke  
  
SM (bangs head on desk and sighs)-FINE, go ahead, whatever.  
  
DV- Luke, there is something I must tell you, I am your father!!!!  
  
(Set becomes so quiet you can hear crickets chirp)  
  
LS-Uhhhhhhhh, yeah, you already told me that.  
  
DV- Really?   
  
LS- Yeah, on Bespin, remember?  
  
DV- Hmmmmmmm, Nope, not ringing any bells.  
  
LS- YOU CUT MY HAND OFF WHEN YOU TOLD ME!!!!!!!!! HOW COULD YOU FORGET?!?  
  
DV- Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh yyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  
  
LS- What's so funny?!?  
  
DV- You were all like NOOOOOOOOO, its not true, your not my dad!  
  
SM- HEY! Wait a sec. If your Luke's father, who's YOUR father?  
  
DV- Uh... I don't know.  
  
SM- Well then, why don't we ask the Mystic Jawa? Mystic Jawa please bring back the ghost of Vader's father.  
  
(Cuts to a Jawa wearing a Psychic costume.)  
  
MJ- Utinni!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(All of a sudden the ghost of Qui-Gon Jinn appears)  
  
DV- QUI-GON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
QG- Uh...  
  
DV- Why didn't you tell me!!!!!!!!  
  
QG- Uh... It's not what it looks like.  
  
LS- Great, he's going to go psycho again.  
  
QG- I didn't do it I...  
  
(The ghost of Shmi Skywalker appears)  
  
SS- QUI-GON JINN!!! Get your astral butt back here RIGHT NOW!!! You left me once, you will NOT leave me again!!!  
  
(Shmi chases Qui-Gon around the studio)  
  
DV- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
  
(Vader goes nuts and pulls out his lightsaber)  
  
LS-Oh no you don't...  
  
(Luke battles with Vader while Steven is slamming his head into his desk)  
  
SM- SECURITY! SECURITY! well thats all the time we have for today folks, maybe next time I'll have a NORMAL talk show!!! 


	3. 3 Han

SM- Hello and welcome to another episode of Star Chat!!! After what happened last week I thought it would be better if we interviewed someone who doesn't have the Force. He was a smuggler, a pirate, and an all around scoundrel who fell in love with and married a princess, became a general in the New Republic and became somewhat respectable...Han Solo!  
  
HS- Hey kid how ya doin?  
  
SM-Good, but nothing has gone wrong yet. So Han what's the deal with the Wookiee?  
  
HS- Who...oh you mean Chewie.  
  
SM- yeah.  
  
HS- Well you see, he was enslaved by the Empire and I, being in the Imperial Academy at the time, rescued him. Now he insists on honoring his life debt to me.  
  
SM- Speaking of debt, don't the hutts have a bounty out on you and Leia?  
  
HS- You trying to get me killed?  
  
SM- I'll take that as a yes. Can you tell us how you got it?  
  
HS- Hmm, I guess so. I was being held captive in Carbonite by Jabba and Leia tried to rescue me. She got captured and Jabba made her a slave. Luke came and tried to rescue us but ends up having Jabba try to throw us in the Sarlacc, but it was all part of Luke's plan. Meanwhile Leia choked the fat slug with the very chain he used to hold her captive. Now the Hutts are upset so the put a bounty on our heads.  
  
(Steven, sleeping on his desk, wakes up)  
  
SM- uh... Opps, sorry the sudden silence woke me up. So Han where were we? Oh yeah, so Han what's up with Lando? Are you two...you know?  
  
HS-WHAT?!? NO OF COURSE NOT!?!  
  
SM- I see. So...  
  
(a blasterbolt is fired at Han from a Bounty Hunter in the audience)  
  
(shot missed Han and Han returns fire.)  
  
SM- oh no not again. One normal show that's all I ask for, one normal...  
  
(Steven ducks a stray shot)  
  
SM-SHOW!!!  
  
HS (still firing)- Sorry Kid.  
  
(Han hits the Bounty Hunter)  
  
Bounty Hunter- IF I CAN"T HAVE HIM NO ONE WILL!!!  
  
(pulls out a thermal detonator)  
  
SM- HE'S GOT A THERMAL DETONNATOR!!!!!! TAKE COVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Steven and Han hide safely, but the audience isn't so lucky)  
  
KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM  
  
(Steven looks up from his ruined desk)  
  
SM- HE BLEW HIMSELF UP!, HE BLEW UP MY SET!!, HE BLEW UP MY AUDIENCE!!! THOES WERE THE ONLY PEOPLE IN THE GALAXY WHO WOULD WATCH THIS STUPID SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
HS- Sorry bout that kid. Look at it this way though, at least now you get some time off till they rebuild the set.  
  
SM- HMMMMMMM...guess your right. Until next time (whenever that is) This is Steven signing off. May the Force be with you! 


	4. 4 Chewbacca

SM- Hello and welcome to Star Chat. As you can see we finally rebuilt the set and found people to sit in the audience after that Bounty Hunter destroyed everything last time. But enough with the past, let's move on to todays guest. He's over three meters tall and he's about two hundred fifty years old. He's everybody's favorite Wookiee...Chewbacca!!!  
  
(pauses for about a minute and no one come out. finally a stage hand comes out)  
  
SH- Sorry Steven Chewie didn't show.  
  
SM-WHAT?!?  
  
SH- yeah this really big dog did though, we stunned him and called the pound.  
  
(Steven hits his head)  
  
SM- This "dog" didn't happen to be walking on two legs and wearing a sash with a pouch on the end of it, did it?  
  
SH- uh yeah how did you know?  
  
SM- THAT WAS CHEWBACCA YOU IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
SH- Opps sorry  
  
(Steven chases the stage hand off screen and there is a very loud scream)  
  
SM- Sorry about that folks. I guess you'll have to wait till next time to see Chewie. Maybe next time I'll have a normal interview where nothing goes wrong. Thats all for today, I have to go hire a new stage hand and find a place to dump the old one's body. See ya. 


	5. 5 Chewie

SM- Hello everyone. Guess what? We finally got Chewbacca out of the pound! So without further ado and hopefully no more troubles.... CHEWBACCA!!!!!  
  
C- (growls)  
  
SM- What?  
  
C-(growls and woofs)  
  
SM- Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. WHERE'S THAT BLASTED PROTACAL DROID?!?  
  
( a gold droid walks out and everyone recognizes C-3PO)  
  
SM- Oh no!  
  
C3PO- Oh, I am so sorry sir, when I heard that poor Chewbacca here was in the pound I just assumed that you didn't need me. So I shut down.  
  
SM- Thats alright. Now, Chewie what's up?  
  
C- (growls a response)  
  
C3PO- OH MY! Chewbacca! are you sure you want to say THAT?  
  
C- (nods)  
  
C3PO- Well! I refuse to repeat it!  
  
(Steven buries his face in his hands and can be heard counting to ten while Chewie and Threepio argue)  
  
SM (directed off stage)- Counting to ten doesn't work! SM (directed back at the two guests)-Just tell us what he said!  
  
C3PO- I am sorry sir, but it is against my programming.  
  
SM- All I want is one...  
  
(a human female runs on stage and starts hugging the Wookiee)  
  
Girl- PUPPY!  
  
(Steven gets up and goes to try to pull the girl off his guest)  
  
SM- I told you to wait till after the show!   
  
Girl- I LOVE Wookiees, I've always wanted to meet you Chewie. Want to come home with me?  
  
(Chewbacca is trying to be very polite and gently tries pushing the girl off him)  
  
Girl- I don't want to let go! He's so soft and cuddly.  
  
(Finally they get her to let go)  
  
SM- Sorry about that Chewie, that was one of my friends and she's a little obsessed with Wookiees. Opps look at the time thats all for today. If you want to read the interview with Chewie then log on to our website. Till next time, May the Force be with you! 


	6. 6 Anakin

*Authors Note: First the usual…as with all my stories none of the characters belong to me they belong to Lucas, except for me and Lori (who is actually Sandy the hyper active kitten on this site) *  
  
(backstage)   
  
SM (to the stage manager)- WHERE IS HE?!?  
  
Stage M- I don't know he never showed  
  
SM- So I don't have a guest?  
  
Stage M- I put in a few calls we should have someone soon.  
  
SM- Soon. YOU DO REALIZE THAT THE SHOW IS SUSPOSED TO START NOW RIGHT!?!  
  
Stage M- Uhhhh..... I'VE GOT IT!!!  
  
SM- What?  
  
Stage M- Why don't you interview your friend?  
  
SM- you do remember what happened last time she was on with Chewie.  
  
Stage M- yeah but there's no one else!  
  
SM (sighs)- She'll have to do.   
  
(walks toward the stage)  
  
SM- When I get my hands on Anakin I'll....arrrg  
  
(tries to calm down while the opening credits roll)  
  
SM-Hello and welcome to Star Chat. It seems that our guest didn't show today but we have a back-up plan. Everyone please welcome our very own LORI (may the Force help us all)  
  
(Lori comes out looking confused and the audience recognizes her as the girl that wouldn't let Chewie go last week)  
  
L (whispers but because of the mic everyone can hear)- (What's going on?)  
  
SM- (Anakin decided not to show.)  
  
L- (So I'm your guest?)  
  
SM- (Until someone else shows up so let's get on with it.) Lori here is one of my best Friends and she works on the show. So Lori, why don't you tell the audience what you do here?  
  
L- I book the guests.  
  
SM- (Your killing me...) Now I know you do more than that.  
  
L (enjoying Steven's numerousness)- Nope that's all.  
  
SM- What about all the other work you do?  
  
L- What other work?  
  
SM- OH COME ON THIS ISN"T FUNNY ANYMORE!?!  
  
(Luke walks out on stage)  
  
LS- I'm here  
  
SM- Finally...  
  
L- LUKE!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Lorie runs over and hugs Luke very tightly)  
  
SM- Oh God, I knew this would happen!  
  
(Vader walks on the stage)  
  
DV- I heard you needed a...  
  
(Vader sees Luke)  
  
DV- What are YOU doing here?  
  
LS (pushes Lorie off)- I'm Steven's guest. What are YOU doing here?  
  
DV- I AM HIS GUEST!  
  
(Han Solo walks on stage)  
  
HS- Hey Steven, Heard you needed a guest.  
  
SM- Oh great, just GREAT!  
  
LS- I'm his guest!  
  
DV- No I AM his guest!  
  
L- HEY, I was the first one here....CHEWIE  
  
(Chewbacca walks on the stage, sees Lori and runs the other way. Lori gives chase.)  
  
(Lando comes from the other side of the stage)  
  
LC- Okay I'm here you can start the interview.  
  
HS- over my dead body...I'm the guest.  
  
LS- No, I am  
  
DV- let's settle this like the men we are!  
  
(Chewie growls at him as he runs across the stage followed by Lorie)  
  
DV- Sorry! I mean the males we are.  
  
(Vader pulls out his lightsaber as does Luke and the two start battling. Han and Lando are yelling at one another while Lori chases Chewie throughout the studio)  
  
SM- WHY ME?!?  
  
(Jacen, Jaina, Tenel Ka, Zekk, and Lowbacca come out)  
  
Jacen- This one HAS to be the Star Chat studio!  
  
Jaina- That's what you said about the last FIVE studios!!!  
  
TK- UH... I believe Jacen is correct... this time!  
  
Jaina (seeing the stage)- Oh... sorry.  
  
SM (sarcastically) - Great more guests...just what I need!  
  
(as Chewie and Lori go across the stage again, Lori sees the newcomers and stops)  
  
L (hugging Jacen)- Hi, how are you?  
  
TK (Jealously)- LET HIM GO HE'S MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(from off stage)- NO he's MINE!!!  
  
(everyone looks as Danni Quee comes out)  
  
TK- What are you talking about?  
  
DQ- He's MY boyfriend!!!  
  
L- Sorry but I have him now!  
  
Jacen- ladies, Ladies, there's pleanty of me to go around.  
  
(The three girls look at him)  
  
Z- Oh no, Bad move Jacen  
  
(The three girls hit him. Tenel Ka, Danni, and Lori start fighting over Jacen)  
  
SM- Folks, I know what you're thinking, "this is all scripted it's supposed to happen", well it's not! Anakin Skywalker was supposed to be on and we were supposed to talk about his live as a slave and his Jedi Training and AAAARRRRRGGGGG....  
  
(Lowie and Chewie had started to fight and Lowie accidently hit Steven)  
  
(Jaina and Zekk are on the floor laughing)  
  
(Jar Jar Binks comes on the stage)  
  
JJB- Hiddyho misa here to been interviewed...  
  
(Lori sees him, grabs Jacen's Lightsaber and chases Jar Jar with it)  
  
JJB- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MISA GOIN DIE HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
(There is a murderous scream from off-stage and Lori returns with Jacen's saber)  
  
L- Here ya go!  
  
Jacen- Uh…where's the Gungan?  
  
(Lori smiles wickedly)  
  
(Steven regains consciousness)  
  
SM- Ohhh... My head. That's it we're out of time (thankfully) I'm getting out of here. See you next week on Star Chat (maybe I'll have a normal show) May The Force Be With You. 


	7. 7 Leia

SM- Hello and welcome to another episode of Star Chat! last week we were able to stop all the fighting before anyone got hurt. On todays show we have one of the most talented and hard working peolple in the galaxy... Cheif of State Leia Organa Skywalker Solo!!! Thanks for showing up!  
  
LOS- No problem, after what happened last week I figured I had to.  
  
SM- yeah, well, anyway. You're the Cheif of State of the entire New Republic, what's that like?  
  
LOS- It's very stressful. Hundreds of systems, BILLIONS of plants and inhabitable moons and space stations, and I'm basically responsible for keeping them all in line.   
  
SM- I can't immagine.  
  
(Han walks on stage holding a cup of coffee)  
  
HS- Hey kid, hey sweetheart.  
  
SM- Uhh what are you doing here?  
  
(Han sits down next to Leia)  
  
HS- I figured I'd stick around in case you needed an extra guest. I'm not the only one either.  
  
(Chewie runs across the stage followed by Lori)  
  
L- Chewie... come back... I just want to play with you!!!  
  
SM- I have a bad feeling about this...  
  
(loud crash can be heard off stage)  
  
HS- Ouch... that's goning leave a mark  
  
LOS- Are they alright?  
  
SM- Probably not...  
  
(Beautiful young female comes on stage)  
  
(Luke, Lando, Jacen, Zekk, and Darth Vader run after her)  
  
Girl- Steven, we need you back stage somethings happened  
  
SM (sighs)- Alright  
  
(Steven heads backstage leaving the girl on stage with everyone else)   
  
HS (to girl)- Hello there...  
  
L- HEY!  
  
(Leia punches Han and the other guys start hitting on her)  
  
(Lori comes out limping and we can clearly see a cut on her arm)  
  
HS (dazed and to Lori)-Hi you're prrrrrrty  
  
(Lori punches Han as hard as she can)  
  
LOS- Nice punch!   
  
L- Thanks  
  
LOS- Come on let's take care of that  
  
(Leia and Lori go off stage)  
  
(Luke sits behind Steven's desk)  
  
LS- Cool, I came in case Steven needed a guest and now I get to be the host!  
  
(Stage Manager comes out and wispers to Luke)  
  
LS- What?!? We're out of time already? OH MAN! Not Fair! 


	8. 8 Anakin Solo

(backstage)  
  
Stage M- Where's Steve?  
  
L- How should I know? You're the one who sent him to find the guest.  
  
Stage M- Anakin's here and Steven's not. Who's gonna host the show?  
  
L- You!  
  
Stage M- WHAT?!? I can't...  
  
(Lori pushes him on to the stage)  
  
Stage M- Uh... Hi I'm John, the stage manager here on Star Chat. Uh... Steven's not here so I guess I'll be your host. let's welcome Anakin Skywalker!!!  
  
(Anakin SOLO walks out)  
  
J- You're not your grandfather  
  
AS- No I'm not but I'm just as important.  
  
J- Who said you weren't?  
  
AS- Everyone always thinks of my grandfather when they hear my name! Just because I didn't turn evil and kill the Jedi I get killed off in STAR BY STAR!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
J- But by dying you saved the Jedi!  
  
AS- NO! I was used as a diversion! Jacen saved the Jedi!!!  
  
J- Oh...  
  
AS- I'm SOOOOOO mad I could just...  
  
(lightning shots out of his fingers frying an audience member)  
  
J- WHAT THE? Uh...someone HELP this kid IS turrning evil  
  
(Luke runs on stage)  
  
LS- ANAKIN! What did I tell you about anger?  
  
AS- Sorry Uncle Luke. It's just that they KILLED me!!!! I was supposed to be who destroied the Vong but NNNNNNNOOOOOOO, Jacen has to be the big hero. He get's to do EVERYTHING!!!!! I'm not allowed...  
  
(Lori comes on stage with a balster and stuns Anakin. The audience cheers)  
  
L- Sorry, I couldn't stand his whinning anymore.  
  
(puts down the blaster and looks at Luke)  
  
L- Hi there...  
  
(Luke realizes what she is about to do and he lifts her in the air using the Force)  
  
L- HEY! PUT ME DOWN!!!  
  
J (looks diaprovingly at Luke)- Luke  
  
LS- I'll put her down if you let me be host next time Steven isn't here.  
  
J- Fine, but were out of time for today. See Ya 


	9. 9 Yoda

(backstage)   
  
J-WHERE'S STEVEN? Don't tell me he's not here AGAIN! Luke can't host today!  
  
(Lori starts giggling and points to the stage)  
  
(onstage Steven is sitting at his desk reading a book)  
  
J- ...oh.   
  
(John looks around and sees the crew looking at him)  
  
J- What are you looking at? Get back to work, we have a show to put on people!  
  
(Lori's on the floor laughing hysterically)  
  
(opening credits roll while John is trying to tell Steven to stop reading)  
  
SM- Hey everyone, welcome to Star Chat! Sorry about last week, I was a little tied up. Today we have a very spec...  
  
(Luke rushes out on stage)  
  
LS- you're here. OH MAN!  
  
(Luke walks off stage disappointed)  
  
SM- OooKaaay. Anyway we have a very special guest here today so let's make him feel welcome. He comes all the way from Dagobah...YODA!  
  
Y- Very pleased to be here I am  
  
SM- So Yoda why don't you tell us a little about yourself?  
  
Y- Lived for nine hundred years I have. Trained Jedi for eight hundred of those years I have  
  
SM- Wait, let me try to underst...  
  
Y- NO! Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.  
  
SM- Oh...Sorry. So you're 900 years old?  
  
Y- Yes.  
  
SM- What else did you do in your life other than train Jedi?  
  
Y- General in the Clone Wars I was.  
  
SM- So you must be a great Warrior.  
  
Y- Wars not make one great. Battle is not the way of the Jedi, only when forced. Never the first strike does a Jedi make.  
  
SM- Oh okay. but you must've seen some awesome battles.  
  
(Count Dooku comes out and attacks Yoda)  
  
(Yoda activated his lightsaber and becomes a green blur as he fights)  
  
SM- HEY! HEY! COME ON STOP!  
  
(Lori comes out with a blaster and fires two shots. Blast hits the two handles causing them to deactivate.)  
  
(Steven stares at Lori with an open mouth)  
  
L- What can I say? I'm awesome with a blaster)  
  
( Lori puts the blaster down and drags a stunned Dooku off stage)  
  
Y- Good aim she has yes?  
  
SM- Yeah I guess so. Um that's all the time we have for today, see you next time on Star Chat.  
  
(as the camera zooms out we can hear Steven mumbling)  
  
SM- Why me? 


	10. 10 ObiWan

*Authors note: First these characters (except for Steven, Lori, and John) don't belong to me they belong to Lucas. Secondly mucho thanks to Sandy the Hyper Active kitten who helped me out when i had major writers block!*  
  
(backstage Steven and John are talking and Steven is sitting on a chair that's against a closet door)  
  
(banging can be heard from behind the door and Luke can be heard)  
  
LS- Let me out! Come on guys this isn't funny any more!  
  
SM- We can't let him out.  
  
J- Who else is gonna host?  
  
(Both look at Lori who just came in)  
  
J- Lori get ready! You're hosting today.  
  
L- What why?  
  
SM- We can't let Luke out of the closet, so I can't do it.  
  
J- Been there, done that, don't want to do that again  
  
L-But...  
  
J- The guest is Obi...  
  
(Lori cuts him off by squealing in delight)  
  
L- Okay I'll do it!!!  
  
(Lori runs on stage)  
  
J (to Steven)- We're in trouble aren't we?  
  
SM- (laughs) OH yeah!  
  
(onstage)   
  
L (nervous)-Uh...Hi there. Steven's busy today so I'll be your host. Um...today we have Obi- Wan Kenobie as a guest so uh lets bring him out!  
  
(young Obi-Wan walks out)  
  
OW- Hello there, I'm SO glad Steven isn't here.  
  
L- Really? How come?  
  
OW- Cause now I get to be with you!  
  
L- Hehe oh...  
  
(Lori and Obi start flirting with each other)  
  
(backstage)  
  
SM- I knew this was going to happen.  
  
J (sighs)- Yeah me to.  
  
(onstage)  
  
OW- So what do you say? Let's ditch this show and head off to Ithor, I hear it's beautiful this season.  
  
L- Oh...sure!  
  
(Jacen comes running onstage with his lightsaber)  
  
Jacen- SHE'S MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Obi and Jacen start fighting)  
  
L- You guy's don't have to fight over me...but since you are KILL HIM! GO FOR THE HEAD!!!  
  
(backstage)  
  
SM- Oh great   
  
(Looks at John)  
  
SM- SIT  
  
J- we're all going to die aren't we?  
  
(Steven runs onstage)  
  
J- FINE DON"T ANSWER ME!  
  
(Yoda appears)  
  
Y- Strong the Force is with those two!  
  
J- Obi and Jacen?  
  
Y- No  
  
(onstage)  
  
(Steven surprises everyone by pulling out a lightsaber)  
  
(Steven breaks up the fight)  
  
L- KILL EM!!! OH COME ON LET EM FIGHT!!!  
  
SM- Jacen OUT!  
  
(Danni appears onstage and smacks Jacen)  
  
D- You're MINE and don't you forge...  
  
(Tenel Ka comes running out and attacks Danni)  
  
(Lori and Obi sneak off the stage)  
  
(Loud crash is heard backstage and Luke appears on stage)  
  
LS- I'm Free!!! Now I can host!!!  
  
SM- OH no you can't! We're out of time!  
  
(John comes running onstage)  
  
J- OW! Steven Lori and Obi-Wan are eloping  
  
SM- Not if I can help it!  
  
(Runs off stage)  
  
Jacen- she left me!  
  
(Tenel Ka and Danni stop fighting each other and they attack Jacen)  
  
(Steven comes back)  
  
SM- They took the Falcon there's no way to stop them now!  
  
(Leia runs out)  
  
LOS- I just heard Lori's getting married.  
  
(Han runs out)  
  
HS- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!? CHEWIE WAS ON BOARD!!!!! wait... WHO took the Falcon?  
  
SM- I think he still is!!!  
  
HS- WHO TOOK MY BABY?!?  
  
Jacen- I'm still here!  
  
HS- Isn't it past your bedtime kid?  
  
(John comes to the front of the stage)  
  
J- THAT"S IT!!!! THIS SHOWS OVER! GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
SM- Maybe next time I'll have a normal show and Lori will be back (if I don't kill her first)  
  
Jacen (toward the roof)- COME BACK I LOVE YOU  
  
(Tenel Ka and Danni start hitting him again) 


	11. 11 Nom Anor

(backstage)  
  
SM- I'm not doing this.  
  
J- Come on...  
  
SM- No!  
  
J- Steven  
  
SM- I won't  
  
J- Yes  
  
SM- No!  
  
J- Yes! you have to!  
  
SM- No! I will NOT interview that...that THING!  
  
J- He's a Yuuzhan Vong, not a thing.  
  
SM- I don't care!  
  
J- He was the only one I could get  
  
SM- It's bad enough you got a Vong but did you have to get HIM?  
  
J- He was the only one I could get  
  
SM (sighs) - Fine, I'll do it. I can't wait for Lori to get back.  
  
(Steven walks toward the stage, as john calls after him)  
  
J- Be nice.  
  
(onstage)  
  
SM- Alright folks since Lori is off somewhere with Obi-Wan John had to get the guest for today so don't blame me. So let's bring the slime-ball now. He's lower than Hutt slime, smells worse than wet Wookiee, and will kiss anyone's a...  
  
J- STEVEN!!!  
  
SM- to get ahead, Nom Anor.  
  
NA- It is a dishonor to do this  
  
SM- You disgust me  
  
NA- And you disgust me infidel.  
  
SM- So how long have the Vong been planning this invasion  
  
NA- I have been in your wretched galaxy for about fifty years.  
  
SM- hmmm I see. To bad it will all be for nothing.  
  
NA- What do you mean?  
  
SM- We're going to kick you out of the galaxy  
  
NA- Your infidel weapons are no match for our biotechnology  
  
SM- Wanna bet  
  
NA- I should send you to your death right now  
  
SM- You don't have the guts  
  
NA- I would, but you don't deserve an honorable demise.  
  
SM- I knew you didn't have the guts  
  
(The Falcon comes crashing through the roof and Lori gets out with a lightsaber)  
  
L- DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(She cut's off Nom Anor's head while Steven looks on in disbelief)  
  
SM- I love you!  
  
(Obi-Wan comes out of the Falcon)  
  
OW- Lay off, she's mine.  
  
SM- We'll talk about that later, we're out of time today 


	12. 12 Jaina

*Authors Note: First, sorry it took so long for this chapter but I was reading The Unifying Force and I kept getting distracted when I started writing. Now I thought I'd get some help with this part:  
  
Boba Fett- None of us belong to him.  
  
Yoda- Belong to Lucas we do.  
  
Vader- He isn't making a cent.  
  
Yoda- What I won't do for money  
  
Fett- I wish I was dead   
  
Vader- I can arrange that.  
  
Fett- HELP ME!!!!!! *  
  
(backstage)  
  
SM- I an SOOOOOOOOOO glad you're back Lori  
  
L- I know  
  
SM- the show couldn't survive without you!  
  
J- HEY!  
  
L- yeah, yeah, I get it.  
  
SM- so who's my guest today?  
  
L- guest?  
  
SM (getting worried)- you did book a guest, didn't you?  
  
L (giggling)- yes I did, it's Jaina.  
  
SM- Oh? really?  
  
L- you let me interview the person I liked, so I'm doing the same for you.  
  
SM- thanks, you're the best!!!  
  
L- I know  
  
(onstage)  
  
SM- Hey everyone how ya all doin? Now that Lori's back we got a very special show for you. So everyone please make our guest feel welcome. Ladies and gentlemen, here she is JAINA SOLO!!!!  
  
JS- Hi how are you?  
  
SM- Good and you?  
  
JS- alright  
  
SM- So Jaina, How does it feel to know that your grandfather was Darth Vader?  
  
JS- At first it kinda freaked me out, but then I realized that in the end he was good and he made up for all the lives he took by killing the Emperor and saving so many people by doing so.  
  
SM- Yeah that's true. So what's up with you and the Dark Side?  
  
JS- Um... I did use it but I'm better now, I was just... sad and angry because of what happened to my brothers.  
  
SM- I see. I extend my sympathies but I'm sure you're sick of hearing them.  
  
JS- yeah thanks though  
  
SM- So what's going on with you and Jag Fel?  
  
JS- Just me trying to live life to the fullest during the war. Nothing to serious  
  
SM- Really?  
  
JS- Yep.  
  
(Steven and Jaina start flirting while Lori and John shake their heads backstage)  
  
L- I knew this would happen.  
  
J- Who didn't?  
  
SM (jokingly) - So Jaina what do you say, Want to get married?  
  
JS- Okay  
  
SM- Really?  
  
JS- Sure  
  
SM- Alright! See ya later folks   
  
(they run off stage as Lori and John run onstage)  
  
L- Wait you CAN'T marry HER!!!!  
  
J- STEVEN GET BACK HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
( Jag Fel runs on)  
  
JF- Jaina Wait I LOVE YOU!!!!!  
  
(Jacen runs on)  
  
Jacen- You're back I knew you loved me!  
  
L- Get lost kid  
  
J- CUT SHUT OFF THE CAMERA'S DA...... 


	13. 13 Jacen

(backstage)  
  
J- Where's Steven?  
  
L- Still not back from getting married.  
  
J- Who's the guest?  
  
L- uhoh   
  
J- What does that mean?  
  
L- I kinda forgot.  
  
J- FORGOT?!? HOW COULD YOU FORGET?!?  
  
L- It was actually pretty easy.  
  
J (mad)- AARRGG  
  
L- Don't worry I'l interview Obi again.  
  
J- Again? You do remember what happened last time, THERE WAS NO INTERVIEW!!!!  
  
L- Calm down.  
  
J- No, No Obi-Wan. You'll interview Jacen!  
  
L- WHAT? NO HE LIKE SATAN REINCARNATED INTO A....  
  
J- I kinda like him  
  
(lori hits him, hard)  
  
J- ow. Think of the ratings though, and since he's been stalking you we know he's around.  
  
L- I hate you  
  
J- I know now get out there  
  
OW- Hey I wanted to be interviewed, for real this time.  
  
J- Next time we don't have a guest.  
  
(onstage)  
  
L- Hi everyone, unfortunately I have to interview Jacen so let's get the damn thing overwith  
  
J- LORI THIS IS A FAMILY SHOW YOU CAN'T SAY DAMN!  
  
OW- you just did  
  
J- Oh Sh...  
  
L- JOHN!!!  
  
J- just do the stupid thing.  
  
L- fine. Let's bring him out.  
  
JS- I knew you loved me.  
  
L- Shut up you Hutt slime   
  
JS- You don't have to sweettalk me now baby  
  
L- I'll kill you  
  
JS- AWW... I love it when you talk dirty to me.  
  
(Boba Fett runs screaming followed by Vader swinging his lightsaber)  
  
BF- HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
  
DV- You said you wanted to play  
  
BF- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
  
L (hopefully)- HEY VADER come and be interviwed!!!!  
  
DV- Sorry I have to kill him first.  
  
(Runs off after Fett)  
  
L- I'm in Hell  
  
JS (staring at Lori)- I'm in heaven  
  
(backstage)  
  
(10 Wookiees are trying to hold Obi-Wan down)  
  
J- Not now, you can't kill him now.  
  
OW- Why Not?  
  
J- we need the ratingsfor next weeks show.  
  
OW-But I can Kill him?  
  
J- sure, why not.  
  
(onstage)  
  
( Jacen is trying to kiss Lori)  
  
(Lori grabs a lightsaber)  
  
L- Get back! I'm warning you! I'll do it! I swear I will!  
  
JS- But I love you.  
  
L- Well I think your lower than Hutt slime.  
  
JS- Baby?  
  
L- Are you sure you're not the Emperor's kid, cause that would explain a lot.  
  
JS- I LOVE you  
  
(crash is heard off stage)  
  
(Luke runs on)  
  
LS- AW MAN! Someone's already interviewing him...  
  
L- SAVE ME  
  
LS- Sorry, I'm out of the Hero business. I want to be a talk show Host.  
  
L- GET BEN!!!  
  
LS- I didn't bring my son.  
  
L- OBI-WAN!!!  
  
LS- Oh, Haven't seen him.  
  
L- Look under the Wookiees!!!  
  
LS- Okay  
  
(Luke goes off then comes back)  
  
LS- There was just some young guy there.  
  
L- I'M NEVER HOSTING AGAIN!!!!!!! That WAS Obi-Wan.  
  
(backstage)  
  
J- Just let him go, I don't care anymore.  
  
(The Wookiees get off Obi and he goes running on stage)  
  
OW- Alright Sithspawn...  
  
L- OBI!!!!!  
  
OW- Next week I challenge you to fight me for her.  
  
JS- Please old man, I'll kick your butt  
  
L- HEY I'm no trophy! Oh wait Jacen will finally DIE!   
  
JS- No I won't baby, don't worry I'll win.  
  
(John comes out)  
  
J- Alright were out of time. Tune in next week when Obi-Wan decapitates Jacen  
  
L- Bye  
  
J- Always have to get the last word in, don't ya?  
  
L- Yep 


	14. 14 Obi vs Jacen

(backstage)  
  
S- YOU DID WHAT?!?  
  
L- We're letting Obi kill Jacen  
  
JS-HEY! I know he's annoying but he is my brother  
  
J- Yeah, but think of the ratings  
  
(Steven glares at John)  
  
S- There will be no PLANNED fights while I'm the host!  
  
(Lori gets a wicked gleam in her eye)  
  
L- Oh Chewie, Lowie could you come over here for a second?  
  
(the two Wookiees come over)  
  
L- Get him!!!  
  
(Chewie grabs Steven and Lowie starts tying him up)  
  
S-HEY! What's going on here?  
  
L- Well, me and John had a feeling you'd act this way so we made a contingency plan. S- PUT ME DOWN! STOP IT! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO MEEEE!!!!  
  
(the Wookiees throw him in a closet and sit in front of it.)  
  
JS-Um... Can I Host?  
  
L- Sure  
  
J-Why not?  
  
(onstage)  
  
JS- Hi everybody. I'm Jaina Solo and I'll be your host today because Steven is a little tied up. We've got a great show for you, for the first time ever on Star Chat you'll get to see a planned duel between Obi-Wan Kenobie and my brother Jacen Solo! So let's get started shall we?  
  
(part of the floor separates and a wrestling ring comes up. Jaina gets in and starts acting like a ring announcer)  
  
JS- Okay, are you ready? I said ARE YOU READY? Then for the thousands in attendance and the millions watching galaxy wide…  
  
(Lori comes out and whispers something to Jaina)  
  
JS- huh? Oh… I mean then for the hundred in attendance and the thousands watching across the galaxy, Leeeeeets get ready to RRRUUUMMMBBBLLLEEE!!! In this corner, he was a general in the Clone Wars, he trained my grandfather Anakin Skywalker, and was one of the greatest Jedi in the Old Republic, He is OBI-WAN!!!  
  
(Obi comes out in Jedi robes accompanied by Lori)  
  
JS- And in this corner, he killed the true Supreme Overlord of the Yuuzhan Vong single handedly, he wet the bed till he was ten…  
  
Jacen- Um… that was Anakin, not me… I swear  
  
JS- And he is quite possibly the strongest Jedi of the New Republic, My brother JACEN SOLO!!!  
  
(Jacen comes out in a wrestling outfit accompanied by Danni)  
  
(Lori kisses Obi)  
  
L- For luck  
  
Jacen (looks at Danni) - Where's mine?  
  
DQ- You treat me like dirt and expect me to kiss you? Get real.  
  
L- here Jacen close your eyes and pucker up.  
  
(As Jacen leans in for the kiss Lori holds out a Crystal Snake)  
  
(Jacen kisses it and it bites his lip sending hallucinogens through his blood stream)  
  
Jacen- Whoa that was awesome! Hey look, the Death Star!  
  
OW- This is going to be too easy.  
  
JS- Um… Okay, the duel was going to consist of lightsabers, but I don't exactly trust Jacen with one right now so you two can just do Hand-to-Hand combat. Ready? GO!  
  
(Jacen and Obi start fighting; Obi has the upper hand, then Jacen, then Obi ect. until a loud crash is heard backstage along with howling Wookiees. Steven comes running out.)  
  
S- Alright break it up NOW!  
  
(Jacen and Obi are Force-flung to opposite sides of the stage)  
  
S- Whoa, did I do that?  
  
L- Hey the fight was just getting good!  
  
S- I don't care; there will be no planned fighting on MY show! And we're out of time for today anyway. Join us next time when we have special guest Boba Fett. Until then, May the Force be with you.   
  
(As the Camera zooms out, you can Here Steven)  
  
S- Why can't I have a normal show, Why? 


	15. 15 Boba Fett

S- Hello and welcome to Star Chat! My name's Steven and I'm the Host. Hopefully we'll have a normal show today because I tied up the staff, barred everyone who wasn't the guest, and hired Clone Troopers as Security Guards. Okay, today we have the most notorious bounty hunter ever, Boba Fett!  
  
BF- Hello  
  
S- Hi. So Boba, why were you running away from Vader a few weeks ago?  
  
BF- That wasn't me, it was a Clone Trooper pretending to be me.  
  
S- Ah. So you're a clone too right?  
  
BF- Yeah of Jengo Fett, my father.  
  
S- Did you know him?  
  
BF- Yes, until I was about ten, then a Jedi killed him.  
  
S- I see, so what's the deal with Han Solo?  
  
BF- He was just cargo, then he tried to kill me by knocking me into the Sarlacc. Now I'm going to kill him.  
  
S-How did you get out?  
  
BF- There were these two loser stormtroopers who were hanging onto a pole about half way down. I grabbed on and was able to get my jetpack working again. By the time I got out though the battle was over.  
  
S- At least you got out.  
  
BF- True  
  
S- So, what do you look like under your helmet?  
  
BF- Like Jengo Fett.  
  
S- Can we see?  
  
BF- No  
  
S-Please?  
  
BF- No!  
  
S- Pretty please whit sugar on top?  
  
BF- NO!!!  
  
S- Fine, be that way!  
  
BF- You're not going to see what I look li…  
  
(loud crash is heard offstage and a security guard can be heard yelling)  
  
SG- STOP HIM!!! DON'T LET HIM THROUGH!!!  
  
(Han Solo rushes onstage with a blaster in hand)  
  
HS- Hey Fett! You can't kill me if I kill you first!  
  
(Han puts the blaster under Fetts helmet and fires.)  
  
BF- ouch!  
  
(Boba's body goes limp)  
  
HS- I did it, I Did It!! I KILLED BOBA FETT!!!  
  
(Clone troopers run onstage wearing Mandalorian armor identical to Boba's)  
  
HS- BOBA FETT?!? But I just killed you!  
  
SG(confused)- Uh… No you didn't.  
  
HS- But you're…  
  
(Han turns to see that Fett's body is gone)  
  
HS(disbelieving)- I killed you  
  
(more Clones run onstage)  
  
HS- BOBA FETT?!? But… no… too many Fetts… DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Starts shooting at anyone in a helmet, including a Boba fan in the audience)  
  
S- GO TO COMMERCIAL! NOW!!! why can't I have a normal show?  
  
( cuts to commercial. When the show comes bank on Han is in a straightjacket rocking back and forth)  
  
HS- too many Boba's, too many Fetts, too many, I killed him, he doesn't die, too many!  
  
S- Sorry about that folks, he needs professional help. Anyone see where Boba went? Anyway, we're out time; see ya next time on Star Chat! why can't I have a normal show? why? 


	16. 16 Christmas Episode

(backstage)  
  
S- Hey all. Welcome to the Christmas episode of Star Chat!  
  
L- Yeah, we invited as many people as we could think of to our party  
  
(John rushes in)  
  
J- Sorry I'm late. Man it looks like the North Pole exploded in here, oh eggnog!  
  
S- Uh, I wouldn't if I were you  
  
L- Yeah Lando spiked it with Corellian Brandy  
  
J- Oh so thats why Luke is so buddy buddy with the Emperor  
  
LS- So the guy cuts my hand clean off and then tells me he's my farther! Can you believe it?  
  
EP- But he is your farther.  
  
J- Did I miss opening the presents?  
  
L- A few people just started  
  
(Points to Jaina and Jacen near a Christmas tree)  
  
JS- Here Jacen this is for you  
  
Jacen- And this is for you.  
  
(they unwrap them)  
  
Jaina- A flight suit!  
  
Jacen- A Jedi robe!  
  
Together- THANKS!  
  
S- And Obi-Wan just gave Anakin his present  
  
AS- Oh master, you shouldn't have. What is it?  
  
OW- It's a cord, you attach one end to your lightsaber hilt and the other to your belt, that way you cant lose your weapon.  
  
AS- Thank you master.  
  
J- Wow, everyone showed up huh?  
  
S- Even Jabba  
  
JH- Han my boy, since its Christmas I'll lower the bounty on your head until the New Year.  
  
HS (sarcastically)- Jabba you'd make a wonderful human being!  
  
J- Uh, how long has Jar Jar been standing under the mistletoe?  
  
L- All day!  
  
(C-3PO walks under the mistletoe)  
  
JJ- OH BOY!  
  
(Jar Jar kisses him)  
  
C3PO- Oh My! I do so hate this holiday!  
  
(A young Boba Fett runs over to the table)  
  
BF- Oh boy! Is this sticky pudding?  
  
L- I think so  
  
BF- I love sticky pudding!  
  
(takes a handful)  
  
BF- HEY WHAT?!? I stuck! Help I'm stuck to the sticky pudding!  
  
(Chewie is trying not to laugh as he nonchalantly pushes a bucket of glue under the table with his foot)  
  
S- Hey where's Padmé?  
  
J- Here she comes!  
  
PA- Hey everyone, its snowing!  
  
L- Anyone else feel a song about to start?  
  
LOS (singing)- Oh the weather on Hoth is frightful  
  
LS (singing)- And the Sith are so spiteful  
  
HS (singing)- As long as we've no Death Star to blow  
  
All (singing)- Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!  
  
S- Oh boy  
  
L- It isn't going to stop is it?  
  
J- doubtful  
  
Jacen (singing)- Dashing through space lanes  
  
Jaina (singing)- In a one man snubfighter  
  
Anakin Solo (singing)- O'r the skips we go strafing all the way  
  
Tahiri (singing)- Warning tones ring  
  
Luke (singing)- For the failing shields  
  
Han (singing)- Oh what fun it is to turn skips into space dust! OH  
  
ALL (singing)- Jingle Bells, Shimrra smells! Tsavong Lah lost a leg! The World Brain, made it rain and the Jedi got away! Hey!  
  
(everyone keeps singing)  
  
J- Well I guess thats it for today  
  
L- Yep, so from our screwed up family to yours  
  
S- We hope you all have happy and safe holidays  
  
All- HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!! 


	17. 17 Interview with Chewie

* Authors Note: None of the characters belong to me blah blah blah. Sorry this took so long, it's set between episodes 5 and 6. Now for those of you who don't understand this story, you're not supposed to. This "story" makes no sense, but the reason I did it is to set the stage for another of my stories, The Once and Future Empire. I'll be uploading a preview for it soon. *  
  
S- So Chewie, how are you?  
  
C- I hate you  
  
S- What?  
  
C- I hate you and this show!  
  
S- Why?  
  
C- Something bad always happens to me  
  
S- Thats not true  
  
(the chair Chewie is sitting in breaks)  
  
S- Well at least Lori isn't here  
  
C- True but still I hate this show  
  
S- Okay, the can we just do the interview?  
  
C- No  
  
(Lori comes out)  
  
L- But Chewie I love you!  
  
(Starts hugging him)  
  
C- I hate you  
  
S- You're not the only one who hates me, wait a sec  
  
(says something into the comm on his desk)  
  
S- There  
  
(Jar Jar comes out and goes ballistic)  
  
L- WHAT ARE YOUDOING HERE?!?  
  
JJ- Misa no know!  
  
(Lori starts chasing Jar Jar)  
  
C- Thank you   
  
S- You're welcome  
  
C- We can do the interview now  
  
S- Okay, so Chewie, how old are you?  
  
C- Yeah, like I'm going to answer that  
  
S- Okay, do you have a family?  
  
C- I have two, my family on Kashyyyk and Han and his family.  
  
S- Thats cool. Um, Sorry Chewie but I have to be somewhere in an hour so I guess this interview's over.  
  
(Chewie jumps up happily and runs off)  
  
S- ... YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO BE SO HAPPY ABOUT IT!!!!! 


	18. 18 New Years episode

(outside on a landing platform)  
  
S-Hey there everyone. Welcome to the New Years episode of Star Chat. We're here on Coruscant for our first New Years celebration.  
  
L- We're going to hit three planets to beat the clock and have three New Years.  
  
J- Not my idea  
  
S- And we're bringing along some friends  
  
(Han walks down the landing ramp)  
  
HS- We better get this baby in space or we'll never get to Corellia before midnight in this bucket.  
  
L- But this is our first stop  
  
J- We can celebrate in space, Han's right  
  
S- HEY! This is my ship and I've heavelly modified it to be even faster than the Falcon. We'll make it. Lets go to the club.  
  
(in the club)  
  
(luke goes to the bar and sits down)  
  
Patron- Wanna by some deathsticks?  
  
LS- I'm a Jedi Master, do I look like the kind of person who'd buy deathsticks?  
  
Patron- Well...  
  
LS- Yeah alright give me two.  
  
(Steven comes to the bar)  
  
S- It's almost midnight Luke come on.  
  
(Luke and Steven meet up with the others)  
  
ALL- FIve, Four, Three, Two, One! Happy New Year  
  
S- Let's go!  
  
LC {Lando}- Next stop, Corellia!  
  
(Corellia nightclub)  
  
S- i told you guys we'd make it.  
  
(Jar Jar sticls his toung out and Padmé nods)  
  
PA- You were right.  
  
L- Where's Han and Lando?  
  
Jaina- I thought I saw them at the bar  
  
LOS- Oh God!  
  
(sounds of a fight can be heard outside)  
  
J- I'd say that's them  
  
S- Let's get them out of here before they cause any more damage  
  
J- It's almost midnight!  
  
ALL- FIve, Four, Three, Two, One! Happy New Year  
  
S- Now let's go!  
  
Jacen- Tatooine here we come!  
  
(in the Dune Sea)  
  
(steven looks at his watch)  
  
S- huh, it stopped  
  
LS- don't worry, it'll be midnight when the sun sets.  
  
OW- Which one?  
  
LS- Uh...I forget  
  
S- Somebody get me a watch!  
  
JJB- Misa got one  
  
(Leia looks at it)  
  
LOS- That won't help! It's set for Naboo time!  
  
(R2 starts beeping)  
  
C-3PO- Oh, Artoo says that acording to his internal clocks the Tatooine time is... Oh my, 12:01  
  
(everyone gronesand sighs)  
  
S- Oh well at least we were here. Thats it for this year, or is it last year? Whatever.  
  
ALL- HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM STAR CHAT!!! 


End file.
